Wednesday, December 11, 2013

A Letter To My Son

I wrote you a letter 16 years ago. In the letter i told you how i would love you forever, how I would miss you until the day we met again,  and how i was hoping you'd have a life full of amazing experiences that I wasn't sure i could give you.  The day you were born was the greatest day of my life. You were the combining of 2 souls into 1. You made me a mother. You made me a mommy. You made me stronger, wiser, and fiercely protective. We shared a bond that no one, time, or space could ever break. Your laugh was the high light of my day. It was contagious. Every night i would sing to you to put you to sleep. You loved music even while in my womb. Every time I played Fishin In The Dark by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band you would get so active and kick so much! As a matter of fact, the only time you were ever still was when there was no music on. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day and night that we were apart, I had you on my mind. I imagined what you looked like, where you were at that exact minute, what kinds of friends you were making, what games you liked, if you had cool teachers that inspired you, if your parents told you they loved you every night and hugged you good morning every day, if you had any holiday traditions that were like ours, if you ever thought of me, if you remembered me, if you ever felt the instinctual pull towards me that I felt towards you. You were a part of my every day. Your brother and sisters have grown up knowing your name, how sweet you were and what you looked like the day we last saw each other. The last words I said to you were "I love you!" You said it back and then screamed and cried because I had to let you go. It tore me to pieces to see you like that. That was the last time i saw you for 16 years. As much as I could see your smile and hear your amazing laugh, i also remember that devastated look on your face and those tears in your eyes because you couldn't stay with me. I didn't know at the time that that would be the last visit. If I did, i would've held you longer. I would've stayed with you until your last tear was shed and I would have sang you to sleep. It pains me to know I missed 16 years of your life, but I am so grateful that we have the rest of my life to reconnect, to make new memories, and to be Mother & Child again.

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